and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
