she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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