i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
