My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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