I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
