You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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