I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
