so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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