Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
