either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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