im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
