There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Who died my cat blue again?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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