If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
