I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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