I accidentally had phone sex last night
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
