I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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