Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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