i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
