So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
