Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Randomize
