if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
please come you make the beer taste better
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
