If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
