so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
