This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
