Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
two words: eviction party
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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