no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
