get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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