Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
