Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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