if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
