I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
