fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
