I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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