No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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