im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize