I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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