It's Friday. Sex?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
