He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
