But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
