you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Congratulations! We have a period
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