fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
