its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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