dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
