I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
