roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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