the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
