You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
