I am puke
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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