do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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