just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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