why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
