I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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