well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
