apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
