hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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