For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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