is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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