Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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