Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
