What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize