the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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