Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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