Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
