"it" just moved
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
