So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
