Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
