He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
