I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
