wat bout pragnant strippers??
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
