I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
you never un-have a 4some
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