We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
