im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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