This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
