and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
