you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's shark week go big or go home
and you fell through a lawn chair
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
